Tag Archives: dj set

aged cheddar

I distinctly remember making jokes 20 years ago about how in the future I’ll be going to 80’s parties and they’ll be as ridiculous as the 60’s parties of the day.

Despite my soothsaying smart ass, I didn’t take into consideration a little thing called “frame of reference”.

I had no context or emotional attachment to the 1960’s. It was just an abstract concept — my parents’ decade of social progress, bell bottoms, consciousness expanding drugs and relatively free-for-all fucking with few consequences – aside from maybe… Babies.

Enter Generation X.

Now here twenty three years after the close of the decade that largely formed my personality – I got my first invitation to…. Yup….

A “1980’s Dance Party”.

It wasn’t until a good couple of days after wringing my hands over outfits that my 21st Century consciousness weighed in and said – “wow – our fashion was ridiculous” – but the eye rolling I did about the 60’s parties never happened… Just a, (for lack of a better description), “sustained squee-buzz of warm fuzzy nostalgia” overtook me.

What do you bring the hostess of an 80’s dance party? Traditional dinner party flowers and a bottle of wine wouldn’t do. So in a Starbucks-fueled frenzy last night I threw together a 50 minute run of largely rebooted oldie-moldies from my youth.

My fascination with dance music started in high school while working for Radio Shack… The strip mall where it was located was anchored by (strangely now on retrospect) a night club called “Club 747”.

One evening just before close this guy barreled through the door with two speakers under his arms and panic across his face. It was the club’s DJ – and he’d blown out his monitor speakers.

Despite his profession – he wasn’t terribly technical. To the nerdy-birdy 17 year old behind the counter – this was gravy. All was needed was a philips screw driver and the ability to tell the difference between red and black wires.

Nonetheless I had his speakers repaired in 15 minutes and had became his hero for the night. He invited me to come down to the club after I closed the store and see the booth.

I did… And as I stood by wide eyed and watched him weave songs together a love of dance music and envy of DJs that would follow me to this very day was cemented.

I’d got a couple of (cheap) direct drive turntables and started DJing parties with a couple of friends. That was as about as occupational as it ever got. Once college got underway my practice just became a method of making mix tapes for friends. Then once life got underway the tables got sold and my vinyl crated and put into storage. I’d never stop collecting remixes though.

In 2011, one of my gal-pals Amy asked me for a disc which reignited the long shelved hobby – which spawned a series that’s still running called BEAsTmix.

I have zero aspirations of doing this in any professional capacity. I’m way better at taking pictures and moving type around. But it’s fun to make mixes for friends…. Every one has a story and theme for whomever they were crafted for.

And this one’s for Jill – and what I’m sure is going to be a blast tonight.



DOWNLOAD:download the file






Had this one done around my birthday but then wound up fiddling with it on and off while hibernating through the winter.

Given the theme it seemed better to throw this up here at the break of Spring when everything comes back to life… Nature’s systems resume the process of creation and we’re reminded the ghost is still in the machine kicking… or is that dancing.

Today’s the birthday of a very special friend who has not only inspired my ghost to dance – but has taught me a few new steps as well… ( and God damn can he cha-cha.)

Happy Spring – and… Happy Birthday to my ghost dancing brother out West.


track list:

Feel So Close 2U
Our Lips “our” Sealed
Glad You Came
Show Me Maybe
Jessie’s Girl
Seven Loca Rattle
Flex Gym Duck
Que Sera Mi Vida
I Love It
Wile One Two

download the file

dedication: Chris Head
series inspiration: Ken “Beast” Colina
the hard stuff: MixMeister v. 7.0.9


weeeeee… more cathartic personal projects…. voila – another CD.

Worked on this set mostly over the Spring … and then… sat on it…

I’ve pulled blogging back to a trickle… if you’re just here for the download link – it’s at the bottom of the page.   The following is a bunch of personal crap that I used to be so comfortable sharing but anymore is a real chore. The act actually kicks off a freaky fear response and makes me want to calm up.

Despite this – historically – I *always* feel better when I can write stuff down.

Nutshell wrap up in case you’d been following journal posts in the olden days of Livejournal:

  1.  Decade-old triad relationship destabilized combined with the death of my father left me in an emotionally vulnerable state.
  2. In swooped an outsider, an emotional and sexual predator, nabbing up my heart and prying me from the situation.
    I was head over heals in love and thoroughly blinded – willing to do anything for this flame….
    and I did.
  3. My sacrificial offerings  included disenfranchising my 10-year partners, estranging myself from my friends and moving out and living on my own for the better part of 2011… and then there was the cash offerings, iphones, service plans, gas, food, – the list goes on.
  4. Nearing the end of 2011 what my gut knew all along but I refused to listen to finally broke through with the devastating realization (acceptance of more like it) that this love I sacrificed everything for was at the most innocent: false and one-sided….
    at the most sinister: a front for parasitic extortion.Incidentally what IS Happiness
  5. Broken hearted and broke financially … I couldn’t continue paying top dollar for my exile apartment… I had to move back to “The Ranch” (late father’s and childhood home) where I’d moved Kevin and Chad prior to getting the apartment. (Elise’s Ex / father of my god son has been renting the mid-mod in Crestwood).

Hat in hand, tail between legs… embarrassed… humiliated… hurt… The guys were gracious and supportive in allowing me to come back and live with them as a roommate.

The biggest casualty through this has been Chad with whom I’d never lost my connection. I forfeited our relationship to Kevin rationalizing that he’ll be o.k. and that this was all for the best… I couldn’t have been more myopic, insensitive and downright wrong.

While I was busy fighting my gut instincts and stubbornly trying to force my square will  through the round hole of reality – Chad hurt…  bad… He would work through it – and there with the support and love of Kevin get through it and find a new relationship between the two of them…

He moved on… I moved in.

The following months would be awkward and difficult as I come to terms with this.

The first six of seven stages of grief had their way with me:

1. Shock
2. Denial
3. Anger
4. Bargaining
5. Guilt
6. Depression

At the behest of doc I went onto an antidepressant and into a therapist. I’d start living at the gym… and thinking… a lot.

After a few sessions of reviewing my predicament and feelings – the therapist would helplessly shrug and in so many words tell me: “You’re doing everything you need to do – you’re simply grieving.”

My theory about therapy was proven… You want a therapist to say something to make the pain go away… to give you “the answer”… but answers come from within. The therapist is just there to coach you along with digging around in your own head.

Eventually the weight would start to lift… the haze clear…

The 7th and final stage of grief began:  “Acceptance and Hope”.

I’d remember my past life’s precepts that had served me so well before yet somehow forgot: “focus on what you have and be grateful – not on what you don’t have or what is lost.”

So what do I have… What, after all this, am I left with?

1) A shit ton of life lessons.
2) Two very special men who I call family… My best friends… who mean the world to me.
3) and I increased my bench press by about 40lbs. ;-P

In the end, “Grief is Good Medicine”.

This work is dedicated to Chad.

track list:

01: Linus & Lucy
02: Believe in your Best Levels
03: Leveled Without You
04: Running Without You
05:  Africa
06: Leave Me to Love
07: Here is the House
08: Oh L’Amour
09: Let You Go
10: Love Overload / (lockdown)
11: Fade Into Someone Like You
12: Who Knew Someone Like You

download the file

dedication: Chad Grimm
series inspiration: Ken “Beast” Colina
the hard stuff: MixMeister v. 7.0.9


Yup… Here’s another one. This set was put together largely in February.

It’s hard to write about the relationships between gay men and their girlfriends.

All of mine have been in some capacity there for me through some of the hardest times of my life – last December is no exception.

We’ve held each other’s heads while we’ve bawled and bitched about boys… We shared our darkest secrets and biggest dreams.

I’m not just waxing sweet-ass when I say each and every one of mine in some way or another had at one time or another made me wish I was wired for heterosexuality…. because each of them would have made either great girlfriends, lovers, wives or mothers.

… Then again… If I were – we probably wouldn’t enjoy the special friendships we have now.

So… anyway… that’s where my heart was on this one… All my wonderful women.

You all vary in proximity and frequency of contact – and god knows I can’t put you all in the same room… but you all quite neatly fit in the dark place called my heart… You make it warmer… and in some respects – have kept the damn thing running long after being broken…

Repeat after me girls: “boys are stupid… let’s go shopping”  🙂

XOXOXO  – love you all… more than you will ever know.

track list:

01: one hell or another :  all my gals
02: gucci gucci girl power : shannon
03: cars (reboot) : jill
04: personal jesus (reboot) : linda
05: jumping in a cubicle : julie
06: she sells white weddings : erin
07: friday night in A&E : jane
08: hello girl let’s party : amy
09: sexy bitch : leah
10:children should be dancing : sandy
11: i wanna bulletproof dancer : jeanette
12: watch the sun come up : elise


download the file

dedication: All My Wonderful Women
series inspiration: Ken “Beast” Colina
the hard stuff: MixMeister  v. 7.0.9