guilty excitement

I’m a fucking pervert.

Anybody wondering what origin of the in-joke,
brief comment volley between Neel,, and I was about..

I find amputees strangely,…. inexplicably,….. fascinatingly….. sort of erotic.

On the road trip to camping, once we arrived Neel wanted to know why I damn near ran off the road while we were passing through Houston, MO. It eventually came out that I was rubbernecking a shirtless double amputee redneck walking along side of the highway..

Then I had to recount the story about the day I got the car washed and my attendant was a young legless man who proceeded to hop out of his wheelchair and crawl around the inside of my car, Armor-Allâ„¢ in hand.

I sat there watching the guy wiggle and roll around the interior of my car and then…
I caught myself getting mildly aroused,…
then I caught myself feeling guilty for having lustful feelings for a handicapped person..
then I thought I was being humanitarian, “even legless guys need a little action” –
then I got guilty again…

By the time he was done with my car, I was so rattled mentally and guilt filled that I tipped him $20 for the $24 wash.

So we go to our habitual happy hour last night at JJ’s and I’m halfway on guard because this is the last Friday before my birthday. mojobear is notorious for pulling unexpected stunts.

A little time passes and in rolls a quadruple amputee.

I spent the next hour trying to figure out how in the hell Kevin found a gay amputee who’s sorta woofy and put him up to coming to the bar.

It wasn’t a stunt. It was purely UTTERLY BIZARRE COINCIDENCE.

We stood around and shot the shit with the guy, who was very nice.
I caught myself getting mildly aroused,…
then I caught myself feeling guilty for having lustful feelings for a handicapped person..
then I thought I was being humanitarian, “even armless and legless guys need a little action” –
then I got guilty again…

By the time we left – I had bought the guy $20 worth of beers and shots.

I’m sure I’d be guilt-ridden if I blogged about this.