Cash Only Please

The weekend was marginal. Cleaned house, continued Halloween decorating and opened mail.

A traveling hypnotist is coming to the St. Louis area, setting up a series of quit smoking hypno-workshops in the hotels around town which only seem to get used for Star Trek conventions and self-help seminars.

The glossy flyer guarantees that I’ll be able to kick the habit in a little under three hours or I get my money back,… – $40-cash only please.

I wonder…. Do they offer receipts? How would they track that for a mass-hypnotism like this? Would I be able to simply pop in after one of the workshops with a lit KOOL Mild in mouth and demand two twenties?)

Here I sit… The last morning of my 31st year of existence… and I’d like to quit smoking.

Not because it’s bad for me.
Not because it gives me bad breath.
Not because it makes my clothes smell like the jean jackets belonging to the kids who listened to Def Leppard in high school.

Nope…

Because I think tobacco companies are evil.

If my ideals have done things like prevent me from ever stepping foot into a Wal-Mart ever again and pledging to never buy another gasoline-powered car – why not let me lay down this addiction?

Self destruction is entirely more romantic and interesting than self improvement. This notion will probably keep me from ever gracing the pages of Muscle Bearâ„¢ .

I’d have an easier time swearing off spanking my monkey.

I suppose I have a project for my 32nd year.

WARNING:
The Surgeon Genital has linked health risks to the following self-indulgent, self-pleasuring activities:
– Cigarette Smoking
– Masturbating (if you’re Catholic)
– Maintaining a Blog.