account for sale

I’ve either grown a set or I’ve finally, completely lost my mind.

I fired my first client…. the industry term is “resigned an account”.

It’s been coming.

16 months of:
enduring regular, irrational blow ups from the CEO
being bullied to lower my prices
my character challenged by questioning every invoice.

You can get blisters on your feet by walking on eggshells long enough.

A miscommunication lead to a missed meeting, not a deadline, but a meeting. The first actually – unlike the many times I’ve been stood up by this client….. but that’s o.k. right? – I’m the vendor… a retained one at that… and there’s a certain level of crap and assumed disrespect you have to endure… It’s just the way business works.

The big boss was in another mood to raise hell and beat on the vendor, (or anyone else within clawing range) – this is normally the invitation for what’s become our standard monthly screaming match.

The business manager was directed to send me an email saying “she’s done and wants everything on CD”…. A bluff.

I said sure.

The following day I received a patronizing “you can come in and we can talk about this” (read as: come on in and let’s have another argument where I beat the piss out of you verbally…. again)… followed up with the “I have another designer that can take your place in a heartbeat” threat for added flair.

Something’s changed… Something snapped…

No longer did I see the logic in getting my pride trashed and tear up my insides again confronting an unpredictable psycho in exchange for a substandard, yet predictable, monthly fee. I’d rather drive a forklift at Costco.

Actually, the retainer was the only predictable thing… One week I’d be hailed a genius and given presents… and other I’d be raked over the coals for incoherent and arbitrary reasons.

I kept myself from the usual default to blame myself by remembering this client’s high-turn over rate for employees – and the conversation with the business manager, (my point person), who spent the better part of the afternoon defending me, leaving her so frustrated that she’s looking for another job.

I drafted the sweetest professional reply citing expectation incompatibility and notice of resigning their account.

What wonderful timing – I just knocked out a chunk of predictable income per month that’s been covering the house and car payment. – Merry Mother Fucking Christmas.

It’s hard keeping my neurosis from overtaking me and making me feel like this is my fault… that I could have done something different.

The reality is – “no” – I couldn’t have done anything else.

The reality is – if I would have kept enduring this, it would have slowly withered my already gimped confidence by dealing with such an abusive situation.

Alas… (Greatfully) The universe provides:

This one-off freelance project from the big agency will cover the loss of the account for four to five months…. should be enough time to find another account.

I’m scared shitless….
and
I’m really relieved….
and
I’m not blogging.

**update: the company went under a few years later… karma’s a bitch. 🙂