fuck it

Alright – if I maintained a blog, you’d probably notice a lag in entries at the end of last week. I’ll tell you why…

cubpower introduced us to this new bear site called Bearmen.com.

A proverbial one-stop-shop for fur porn with an extensive profiles section.

That said…. I’ve always had a thing for amateur nudie pics. The fact that I can pull someone’s profile, read a tid-bit (usually naughty ones) about a person, know where they’re from and have their email address is infinitely more erotic to me than the airbrushed, unobtainable constructs seen in “professional” porn.

Nonetheless – the hobby has provided a great party trick. Friends who were scoping this guy or that guy online could message me and either give me a screen name or show me a photo. 80% of the time I could tell you all about the guy, what he likes shoved up his ass, and usually return photos the inquiring person hadn’t seen before.

The Bearmen site has approximately 418 profile pages, each containing 25 profiles… That’s 10,450 individual guys to look at and subsequently save and catalog the hot ones.

It took about two or three days to completely comb over the profiles..

It was on about page 416 that something snapped. My desktop was littered with individual folders labeled with email addresses, therein containing photos and other folders titled with little notes like: “bareback bottom”, “has divers watch fetish” and “stuck on himself”.

“What the fuck am I doing?” – More accurately: “What the fuck have I been doing for the last six years?”

I have amassed over 2GB of photos, emails and quazi-incriminating personal information about people – most, if not all, of which:

a) I’ll never meet.
b) Most likely never have sex with.

This isn’t about porn.. Being a compulsive masturbator and an occasional piggy-poo in the sack – I embrace porn.. It’s a perfectly viable form of entertainment….

No.. This is about compulsion.

I’ve got a vivid imagination, a very strong hand and two extremely sexy men at my disposal 24/7. For someone with “too much time on their hands” – I quickly realized that this fine commodity (time) really could be better directed at something else.

In a moment of (possibly stupid) liberation – I pulled out the CD smut archives and destroyed them.

I then deleted the one gig and some change of current finds off my local drive.

Then I sat in shock for a little while over what I just did.

Webcam session captures of the furry steroid-pumped guy in Berlin who had a thing for pudgy pasty midwestern Americans… Gone.

My TitPigâ„¢ library with images ranging back to before his porn-stardom…. Gone.

The self portrait of the sheepish, closeted married man in Buffalo, NY wearing tighty whities… Gone.

The photos of bearringSD‘s circus-freak scaled pecker…. Gone.

Will I stop enjoying internet smut? – Good God no…. I just needed to hit the “RESET” button and shift my approach to it as more recreational instead of occupational.

Maybe this was a bad idea – now I may obsess over something stupid like a blog.